November 3, 1983

I Found It!

Well, it's been a long time since I've written on Xanga.  I forgot how much I liked it.  And I like reading what others post and keeping up with their lives. 

A lot has happened since I last wrote on here.  Two major things were I became another year older and I also became a grandmother!  While Ryan was home, he left me notes everywhere wishing me a "Happy Birthday".  One of my favorite things is the world is "treasure hunts".  I would classify looking for his messages that way.  There was a message on my phone, a text message, a message on Facebook, and one on MySpace.  Ryan kept telling me I was missing one.  Quite by accident, I found it today on my Xanga. 

I really like Xanga.  Because of that, I am posting my first picture of my new grandbaby here... not on MySpace or Facebook.  So, I'm hoping some of my Xanga friends will update and let me know how you are doing.

God bless you all!

Drum roll please....

May I present Mara-Jade Moriah Arnold!

I know... I know!  She does look a LOT like me!  What can I say???

From the Woodshed

It’s strange how I end up here.  One minute, I’m busy about life, and then the next minute I find myself sitting on a hard wooden bench with my feet swinging back and forth while I wait.  The woodshed has never been intended as a place for me to be comfortable.  And it does not matter if I’ve grown taller or older, I always feel very small and very much like a child here.  Most likely, this is not by accident.  So I sit and wait for the Father….

How did I end up here today?  My mind starts to rewind and rehearse the days events hoping to find the answer. 

It had not been a good day.  Not a good day at all.  “Maybe I don’t want to remember the day’s events!” I think to myself.  Oh yes, I remember.  Harsh words.  Mean words.  And then I was crying….

How is it that people can say things that tear at your heart and then walk away as though nothing occurred?  I felt as though I had been left wounded and bleeding and the “villain” had just simply walked away.  Feeling of anger, hurt, and betrayal began to resurface.  “Better not to think about it at all,” I mused.  So… back to concentrating on why I was in this woodshed again. 

I like mysteries and puzzles.  So, I could put my mind to solving this one.  There was not too much to solve.  There was only one reason for me to ever be in the woodshed.  Lessons.  I let out a long sigh.  The Father would be coming and I would find out soon enough what “lesson” I needed to learn this time.

Isn’t it funny how when a person is alone, and possibly filled with a sense of impending doom, the senses seem to be sharpened?  I could hear His footsteps even though the ground beneath His feet was soft.  He came through the door with a serious look on His face.  He did not take me on His lap as He often does, but sat directly across from me.  His eyes were searching.  Then He spoke, “Child, tell me about your heart.”

“My heart?  My heart belongs to You, Father, “ I spoke softly.

“And what is in your heart?” He queried.

This was puzzling.  My Father knows everything.  Why would He ask this?

“Father, my heart is filled with the Son,” I replied.

Softly He spoke, “And is that all?”

Quickly, I scrambled for the right answer.  “Father, Your words I have hid in my heart!!!”  I felt very, very proud of my answer.

“Why is that?” He asked.

“That I might not sin against You!”  I smiled.  I knew I was on the right track.

It was then I saw something in His eyes I had not noticed before.  Was it sadness?  Wanting to bring joy to Him, I quickly quoted from my lessons, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.”

“Is that all?” He added.

Is that all?!  Was there more?  I could not bring to mind more from that lesson.  I slowly nodded. 

With a sad look, He said, “Child, do you think I cannot see the hidden places in your heart?  Truly… words are hidden in your heart, but they are not mine.”

Not His???  What did He mean?  He reached in and began to draw forth the things I had hidden even from myself.

“Little one, whose words are these?  They are surely not mine.”

Mean words, ugly words, now made visible for me to see. 

“You have taken his words, the one who wounded you.  You have hidden them deep within your heart, so deep that you could easily deceive yourself that they were not there.  There is not room enough in your heart for My words and the words of one who wounds you.  There are not two places in your heart, a place for the treasures I give you and a place for harboring hurt.  You must choose one or the other.  But, I must caution you.  It is only in choosing My words that you will not “sin against” Me.  If you choose to hide another’s words in your heart, you will sin against them… and against Me.”

I leaned over and placed my head in His lap.  The tears that flowed freely from my eyes warmed my face.  The Father’s hand stroked my hair. 

“You, Father,” I whispered.  “I choose You.”

“Thy words have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” Psalm 119:11

Puh-thetic!

You know, probably my favorite "Pooh" character is Eeyore.  I can't help it.  He's absolutely hilarious.  And we're so much alike.... 

Especially when Eeyore gazes at himself in the water, sees his reflection and expresses with a sigh, "Puh-thetic".  He then turns, goes to the opposite bank, again sees his reflection and says something like, "Just like I thought...Puh-thetic!"  Of course, for poor Eeyore, there's not much expression given even in his exasperation.

So, why the thoughts on Eeyore?  Yesterday, my son J. called me.  To my surprise, astonishment, and utter delight, I soon learned that we were not alone on the call.  J. had set up a conference call.  All three sons on the same call!  Okay, I know this isn't exactly earth-shattering technology... but I'd never been party to one of these calls. 

Listening to the voices of all three of those young men... the only way I can describe myself is "Puh-thetic!"  Some people might say, "Brenda, it really doesn't take much to make you happy, does it?"  I didn't even need to say a word... just sit there and listen to three of the voices I love most in this world.  Sounds pretty corny, but for a few moments there, I felt like my heart would burst.  Puh-thetic....

I don't write about this to bore you with minute details of my day-to-day life and how little it takes to thrill me.  I write about this for one reason: what is God saying?  Before Jesus went to the cross, he shared a meal with his disciples and told them that with "desire I have desired to eat this passover with you..." (Luke 22)  He was saying that He craved, longed for this time with them.  In Isaiah 49:16, God says, "Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands..."  One thing we all seem to "long for" in this day and age is passion.  As I read the Word of God, His letter, I realize that the passion I feel for my children is honestly... "puh-thetic" in light of the passion this Holy God has for His creation. 

If my heart beats a little faster, my joy bubbles a little higher, my day becomes so much sweeter just by hearing the voices of my (I use "my" loosely) creations... what happens to this passionate Father when His children "drop by" to say "hello"? 

That He would even love me a little is amazing.  How can He be passionate over such a fragile and inconsistent creature like me?  Still, He takes those three beautiful, often funny, and imperfect young men and He says to me, "See how I feel about you?" 

He is such a big God.  I pray that you will know this day how passionate He is about you.  I pray that you will be passionate about Him!  He is worthy!!!

Two weeks ago, I started teaching the senior high girls' Sunday School class.  Even though I grew up in a practically all-female family, by raising three boys I tend to shy away from "massive" female company.  So, what a blessing to find this class such a delight!  Plus, working with a drama team at my church, I have found as much drama and as many moods among the guys as I have the girls.

I began the class with the theme, "This is My Story".  No matter what we know about Jesus, or think we know, it's all going to come down to our own story.  To say, "Jesus is Lord", yet He is not lord of your own life will annul the statement to many who hear it.  Don't get me wrong; Jesus is Lord whether we believe it or not, whether we live it or not.  But, what He means to the "speaker" will have a great effect on the message being delivered.  The message can be spoken or unspoken, but when people see someone who truly is walking around with a treasure in an earthen vessel, the opportunity to "give Christ away" increases.

It is a burden of my heart that so many young women and girls today seem desperate to be loved and will go to almost anyone available to get it.  Yet, if a girl believes she has no worth, she will often settle for any attention given as an act of love.  This opens the door for all kinds of sorrow.  We should love and be loved as Christ has shown us.  To say that it is better to live alone than to accept counterfeit love may sound trite, but that does not make it any less true.  Talk to one young woman who has not waited on God and you will find this to be more than true.

On this note, since I am teaching about this in my class (not about dating or marriage, but about God's love for us), I would appreciate any comments, things I can share. 

I enjoy singing solo and probably my favorite song to sing is called, "Nobody Loves Me Like You".  This is my story!  I have found Jesus to be the "lover of my soul".  It's not that I don't enjoy the love of my husband, my family, and friends.  It is that His love goes beyond anything I could ever imagine.  He knows everything about me, and not only loves me, but loves me to the extreme.  That's the Jesus I want these girls to know.

Hope to hear from some of you.  God  bless.